What a gloriously gloomy Monday afternoon. Perfect match to my gloriously gloomy current state of mind. You don't understand how on the fence I was today about not even writing at all. I was THIS close (*squeezes pointer finger and thumb together*). Eh, I suppose I'll write SOME thing. I mean, I'm not doing anything else but being glum so why not. I recently stumbled upon an article while mindlessly scrolling every social platform available, and it sort of struck a chord... The title of the article was, "Don't Forget To Check On Your Strong Friend". Have any of you read it already (seemed fairly viral)? Anywho, I'm not necessarily sure if I'm "the strong friend" per say, I'm probably more of the aloof friend, but it seems as though I'm always spewing motivation from every pore (or at least trying to). I write these silly little blog posts each week for me a lot of the time, but also for YOU. For everyone to get a little encouragement in the beginning of what could be a long stressful week. I don't really think that I get that from anywhere. One of my favorite lines from the above article? "Sometimes, I don’t want to give life advice, I want to sulk." That's exactly how I feel today! Oh yeah, I almost forgot; 1. Because people lie just to get you to click their stupid little links. Duh! And you aren't getting any more reasons because that's the only one. Let that be a lesson to us all!
As I do these blogs each week, I often wonder what you all want from me. Do you read for motivation? To see how my life is going? To hear things from a different/ out there perspective? Another thing the article mentioned is having vulnerability, which I think I have very little of. I know I talk about my faults from time to time, but I rarely go in depth about certain struggles I have internally. My pride won't allow it for one, and also in recent years, I've tried to stay away from negative speak. Remember my blog post about complaining? I've tried to stop doing it online almost completely. But I realize our struggles and weakness are what make us human. It's what bonds us and brings us closer. From the outside looking in, I give off a very "together" persona. I travel all over, eat amazing meals, see awesome shows, live in the greatest city, and don't have a job weighing me down! Looks fun on paper, but it sure as heck has its low points. It's weird for me to show myself to the world in the low light though. And I'm trying to figure out exactly why that is...
(Y'all know I love a good trip down memory lane sooo...) When I was a little kid, I use to absolutely HATE wash day. For those of you who may not know what that is, it's the day we got our hair washed and styled. Ever since I could remember getting my hair combed out, I remember crying silent tears of pain, unseen by my mom (or anyone else doing my hair). I would sit there and suffer silently. They wouldn't even know it was hurting me unless they looked down at my puffy red face. Why did I never say anything? In a less physically painful sense, this is still the way I am now. I'd like to think I'm an emotionally strong girl who can handle a lot more than the average person, so somehow I bare it all silently, never really showing the tears coming down my face. If something is going wrong in my life, I usually don't really tell anyone. I don't want to bother others because I know that everyone in the WORLD is going through something. Why does anyone need to know what I'm going through? I suppose it's just always been my personality.
The thing is, I don't want pity, and I don't want the world to view me as a failure. I suppose this is another reason why we keep things to ourselves. I've always told myself, even if I was so broke I hadn't eaten in 3 days, I wouldn't ask anyone for a thing. I'd just keep saying everything will be fine. That's actually one of my favorite things to say (and my favorite advice to give). Because ya know what, it WILL be fine... one day. Eh, I know this probably isn't the Monday motivation you thought it would be, but it's real. Just little ole me having a sucky un-motivational day. This too shall pass!
Seriously though, if you do happen to find yourself a little bit chipper than your fellow human being, give them some words of encouragement. Inquire about what's going on! We've got to learn to be there for one another. We all have our own personalities that we tend to stick with, but relationships should never be completely one sided. The people who seem to be all together on the outside are probably ticking time bombs waiting to explode at any moment. That's another reason I love to write. Such a good release of tension whenever I'm feeling trapped inside my own head. Perhaps that's my glimmer of motivation today. Write it all down!
P.s. No wonder celebrity gossip is so juicy. Celebrities do their very best to portray an image of perfection. There's a morbid sense of joy in watching an upstanding famous person crumble or get caught doing something less than perfect. It humanizes them I suppose.
P.p.s. For real though, getting my hair combed as a tender headed little kid were some of the most painful days of my LIFE. Back then there were no tutorials or all the products and tools we have today. There was a comb, there was water, and there was that blue bergamot grease. Sometimes if we were lucky we got the pink oil moisturizer. For all the naturally straight haired folks, imagine having someone tie a thousand tiny knots in your hair and having them all swiftly and roughly combed out. Pain!
P.p.p.s. I know I didn't even really explain what the heck I'm so gloomy about, which was the whole point of the blog right? I'm not exactly sure where all of my aimless creativity is directed. I've been doing this blog for a while, which is fun and (I think) important, but it seems as though nobody shares the vision I have for it to flourish. I want my life to be different, and help improve the lives of others, but the pressure of paying bills is telling me to 'snap out of it bish'. Perhaps I'm wasting my time and energy on all of my efforts to get other people involved and interested. Here is my call to action; if you want to hear more, you know how to contact me!