When I was growing up, of all the things I wanted to be, I'm pretty sure being famous was one of them. More specifically, RICH and famous. The allure of the rich and famous is very tempting to a young impressionable kid growing up poor and unpopular. Making lots of money and being adored by millions? I mean, who wouldn't want that? In a lot of my earlier written works, I spoke a lot about "making it", "becoming a star", "being the next Oprah" or what have you. But not until quite recently, had I even bothered to question why. Why the obsession with the fame and fortune part specifically? Were fame and fortune even all it was cracked up to be? I think one of the most important things we can do in the course of our life is to constantly evaluate and REevaluate our wants. They can and do change more often than we'd probably even think. Sometimes when we don't, we can find ourselves working so hard and stressing out over things that we don't want anymore at all. Even worse, sometimes, we get to a point where we don't even know WHAT we want anymore. How do we even begin to figure it out?
Sometimes its very easy to decide what it is that we want. Most of the time with me, this happens during a heat of the moment type scenario. I think most intuitive people are good at doing that. However, over long periods of time, the things we thought we wanted all along sometimes turn out to be not as such. For example, I was once under the impression that I really wanted to have a baby. Eh, I was nowhere near close to having one (due mostly to lack of prospect), which forced me to take a step back and analyze why I thought I wanted one. Turns out, I actually don't REALLY want one (as of right this moment). But why then was I so convinced of my want? Was it because everyone else seemed to be having one? Did it seem fun? DId it seem like something everyone just did because it was the womanly thing to do? We can get so swept up in a number of reasons for wanting a particular thing, but ironically neglect the main reason we should be wanting something...because we ACTUALLY want it.
This subject is very applicable to a number of areas in my life, so perhaps in some of your lives as well. What has helped me a lot in figuring out the things I really want in life as opposed to the things I've been convinced to want by outside factors, was to ask myself why. Take an in-depth look at your hypothetical wants and rip it apart until you get to the core of it all. Going back to what I said at the beginning of this post, I thought it was fame and fortune that I sought. In actuality, I just want to be heard. I want people to listen to the things I have to say. That is a perk of fame, but it isn't necessarily the root. Looking a bit deeper, with fame comes a lot that I'm not really into at all. One of those things being all of the red tape associated with widespread exposure. The bigger someone becomes, the deeper they are in all the societal rules and regulations. Thinking about becoming a FAMOUS actress involves dealing with agencies, contracts, backdoor deals, lack of privacy, media backlash, and a number of other things we don't really think about in totality. Those who truly love the art of acting, in general, won't even think about the fame part right off the back. So I suppose when thinking about what we truly want, we should think about it in the most stripped down and pure form.
In another aspect, but similarly related, this past week I was a bit down. The reason being, I've been feeling a bit... dare I say it... alone. Whenever the two people who I mainly hang with are busy, what is a girl supposed to do?? I've been saying to myself that what I want is more friends, so every once in a while, I'll go out and make an effort to connect with people, secretly trying to persuade someone to want to hang out with me on a regular basis. Then on the other hand of it all, on the rare occasions when people invite me out places, I get overwhelmed and sometimes drained from being social. When I get home I basically scold myself in a "what the hell is wrong with you Bretony??" sort of way. I say I want friends, but when I go hang with people, I just wanna run back home and be alone? It just doesn't make any logical sense! In that regard, figuring out what you actually want is a bit more complicated. It may take a bit of time to figure it all out, but what I've come up with so far is that what I truly want is to feel comfortable enough around people to be myself. That way, I won't feel drained when out being social. The thing is, in order to get to a level of comfortability, I may have to go through a bit of uncomfortability. And just maybe, THIS is another sign to help figure out what we want; deciding if we are willing to go through something that we may not particularly enjoy to get to the other side of what we will enjoy, or just give up. Eh, is this making any sense?
As I also said earlier, our wants can and do change over time; that could be socially, financially, romantically, career-wise, FOOD-wise, anything. It's important to stay in touch with ourselves and constantly ask questions instead of just going with something for so long and then realizing at that point you're in too deep. Even if you lie to everyone else in the world, don't lie to yourself. Deep deep down, I do believe that we all do know the things we want, but might be afraid to say so, or even afraid to explore the options. But once we DO figure it all out, then our lives can begin to take the shape of everything in our wildest dreams. Pure happiness. Don't be afraid of that! After being completely honest with ourselves, it will in turn be much easier to be honest with everyone else. You may even WANT to be honest. I really do love getting to the roots of all my problems in life. Hopefully, this can help anyone out there who may be struggling to deal with what they really want as well. Let me know your thoughts on the subject!
P.s. If you haven't guessed it by now, the title is from one of the greatest songs of all time, "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls (who may or may not be getting back together??). Little known fact, I was always Baby Spice (I love wearing pigtails).
P.p.s. Why is it always so hard figuring out what we want to eat every day?? It's so stressful!
P.p.p.s. Instead of being rich and famous, I do think all I really want is a super nice place to live (I have very specific details in mind about my fantasy accommodations), and for everyone in the world to read my blog, watch my videos, and hopefully support me enough to the point where I can get better quality and production value while collaborating every once in a while on special projects. Oh, and have a "Sex and the city" and/or "Friends"-esque friend group who hangs out with me whenever I want them to. Again, this could all change in a few years, but hopefully, I will keep evaluating!