I always found it very interesting how in movies or tv shows, we always root for the character whose story we know more about... even if that character is technically the "villain". For example, the protagonist of one of my favorite shows of all time "Dexter", is a freakin' serial killer! But ya learn to love the guy! Why? Because we know his story with full transparency. We know why he kills, we know the internal struggle he has, we know he still has morals. The style of the show even gives us a look at the thoughts inside of his head. I'm sure if this series was written from the perspective of someone else, without having all of the details, we'd see Dexter in a completely different light. This brings up a very interesting topic of discussion that I often have with myself... how much of our lives should we share with the world?
As a person who uses the internet quite a lot to post my writings, videos, photos, opinions, and more, it may SEEM like I a have a full transparency thing going on, but there is a lot I do like to keep private, or at least localized to this blog (since I know not ALL my friends or family reads it (which is a shame, yes, but don't get me started)). Over the years of my online presence, I have struggled quite a bit with what things I should and should not put out there. A concept I wasn't super aware of during the beginning; once it's out there, it's out there forever! You never really know who has seen it, saved it, copied it, pasted it, downloaded it, or hung it up on their wall! This is the same in real life as well. Once something leaves your mouth audibly enough for another person to hear, you can't put it back in your mouth. You really have to be much more aware of that fact these days. Almost everything is recorded in some way shape or form.
In saying all of that, sharing is what forms deeper human connections and bonds. The more you know about a person the more connected you feel. This creates feelings of empathy, care, lust, love... On the other hand, mystery can be quite alluring and almost seductive. I for one (based on my past track record) am usually much more interested in a person if they keep to themselves and don't initially share anything personal about themselves. I like to work for it! I feel accomplished when I can pry someone out of a shell. When I first meet a person, I am like this as well. I don't like to give it all away too fast. But perhaps this is why I DON'T tend to form those deep bonds. Where is the line?
As far as my writing goes, I've even had the idea of starting a separate blog under a pseudonym in order for me to get use to the idea of expressing myself more freely and openly with full transparency where no one reading would actually know who I was. I admit that sometimes I do find myself holding back a bit for some reason. Perhaps fear of judgment? Fear of permanence? Fear of others knowing too much about me? Fear of once I give it away, I'll have nothing left to keep people coming back or hold their interest? I don't know. I'm sure it's a mix of all of that plus more.
Since I've been back on Twitter, I see the same people I use to see sharing lots of little details of their everyday lives, including all of the random thoughts, feelings, and opinions that one naturally has throughout the course of a day. It reminded me of a time when I use to be more like that. Very interesting to look back on and see the stuff I use to share. Perhaps maybe even too much information at times! But I do get how therapeutic it all is. Not sure when it all switched for me. Perhaps I thought I was oversharing and people didn't really care. But was I doing it strictly for them, or was I doing it for me? I'm interested in seeing how life would be if I were more open. Perhaps I will give it a whirl, why the heck not? These days, more and more people are "speaking their truth" on a number of matters, and it seems all the rage. I suppose I really do have a perfect opportunity since the people who read these blogs on my site are here because they consciously wanna be and not because they just happened to scroll upon it. I will let you know how my journey goes! What about you all though? Do you find yourself to be more open (rather online or in real life) or more reserved and why?
P.s. I had a boyfriend in the 9th grade named Dexter. I thought it was the nerdiest name ever.
P.p.s. Ironically enough, one of my favorite things to do in life is answer questions...from people who are genuinely interested in the answers. I could honestly answer questions about myself all day.
P.p.p.s. I actually did have a secret blog under a pseudonym, but it was a very complicated spelling and I can't remember it (I have many many online aliases. Mostly to create new accounts for Seamless so I can get a $10 referral discount code when I order food online...but that's neither here nor there). I only wrote one post, but I remember it being very explicit. It's out there somewhere!
P.p.p.p.s. Don't know where I'd wear it, but I want that dress!