In all of life's great complexity, probably the most confusing concept to grasp is the clichè, "be careful what you wish for because you just might get it". It would seem as though if we really wanted something, getting that thing would be an absolute dream...everything would be aligned in our world right? But sometimes the grass truly seems to be greener on that other side. Perhaps it's the glare from the sun or something. This is one reason why I've been [trying] not to speak in terms of absolutes ("I'd never do that", "I'll always be this", etc.). I often say that I don't really know what I'll be doing until I'm doing it. And it's proven to be the truest thing I've ever said.
In explaining this week's topic of discussion, I have recently been.... Looking for work! Ahhhhh! I know right? Me of all people. Anti-establishment, anti-the man, anti-rules, is looking to work again! Hear me out though. Working for myself is awesome, and I do love almost every minute of it, but there are some things that I just can't do all by myself (no matter how delusional I am about my self-sufficiency). There are some things that having a job provides that I cannot. A few examples of that are comradery, structure, and accountability. There is no one to hold me accountable for doing or not doing a task. And let me tell you something folks, I'm very easy on myself! I let myself slide all the darn time, and I have a billion excuses for everything. Structure is equally important. Knowing you must be somewhere at a certain day and time will spark a fire beneath you for sure. You don't want to waste other people's precious time, as you wouldn't want them to waste yours. Finally, going through things with other people gives you a greater sense of empathy (and we all know how much I need more of that). It builds a stronger bond between people sharing your same everyday struggles and triumphs. Being by myself, I don't really have that.
In realizing all of this, I still do believe that being independent has some amazing upsides. It seems as though it's put on a pedestal by working people merely because it's so different than what most are accustomed to. People generally want what they don't have. It's quite alluring. The grass over here IS looking pretty green, I must admit! But did you know that in one patch of grass, the blades can have an array of shades ranging from dull and rusty to vibrant and fresh. It's all how you choose to look at it. I do believe that many are capable of working for themselves and by themselves, however, I shouldn't shun the working world as much as I do, because it's a part of life too. And to me these days, it's looking quite tempting now that I'm looking from the outside in.
Actually, in my quest for outside activity that contributes to society and my overall well being, I began by looking for a simple volunteer sort of thing. It's still not about the money with me, but I did come across a human rights organization that pays pretty well (I won't say no to that, cuz a Bretony has bills). All in all, not having a job for so long has helped me realize the things I will and won't put up with, so I truly appreciate that. It's like if you're always in a relationship, it's good to be single for a while and figure yourself out, realize what went wrong, and the things you liked and didn't like. It helps you grow into a much better version of yourself. You may even swear off relationships entirely for a point, but then again, you may come back and even decide on marriage!
The point is everyone, we may think we have everything all figured out, we may think we know what we actually want, and the sort of life we want to live, but it's best to not fixate our ideals on having everything "our way". Because ya know, that may not be the best thing for us after all. Getting the things that you want can be great, but it doesn't solve every other problem you may have. It may distract you for a while, but there is still a lot more work to be considered. Don't worry you guys, I'm still gonna maintain my "work for myself" status. But I do want to do something at least once or twice a week, be that volunteering or working for a non-corporation, and possibly paid under the table...something very easy going and extremely flexible. Eh, who knows. The feelers are out there, so we shall see where I end up. If we try not to idealize that green grass over there too much, we can learn to appreciate ALL the grass everywhere.
P.s. The human rights organization actually wanted me to come in for paid training tomorrow...buuuut, I'm not going to do it for the simple fact that the position is not something I can see myself doing (field representative). I know myself, and I'm certain I'd hate it. There is no huge rush, I'll know the right thing if it comes along.
P.p.s. The whole job/no job thing kinda reminds me of homeschooled/public schooled. I use to want to be home schooled full time SO freakin bad. I thought it would be super fun to be at home all day and not have to struggle to find something to wear, and also I could slack off and watch tv! Looking back though, I'm glad I had the well-rounded experience of being in school. It really does offer social skills, among other things, that can't be taught with homeschooling.
P.p.p.s. An alternative would be me hiring an employee like I wanted to, but I'd need a lot more income for that to happen. It is still a goal though! Interns, inquire within!