About a year ago, I wrote a blog merely scratching the surface of abuse women face in the world. I think what sparked me writing about that had something to do with the presidential election at the time. Things weren't really hitting the fan like they are now. Why ARE things hitting the fan now though? I've seen a lot of people question why NOW "everyone" is coming out with a "story" "all of a sudden". Ever think about the fact that just maybe... We all really DO have a story... and are realizing that it is something to make others aware of and not just something that all women MUST go through because, "that's life"?
This topic in particular runs quite deep and multifaceted. I could fill a whole book! So in order to not go off on a rambling tangent, I'll stick to one of the thoughts I have in the matter. For now! With more men these days becoming aware of how rape culture has subliminally been engrained in their existence and interactions with the opposite sex, I've seen the argument that they should just stop interacting with women altogether. This argument is probably the most hilarious of them all, so I'm here to help with that airtight logic!
In trying out the art of walking in another's shoes, I can sorta halfway see (but not really) how as a guy one could be turned off from the notion of persuing a girl they liked for fear of her claiming harassment... Perhaps even based off something seemingly harmless. This should not deter ALL interaction people. There IS a right way. Probably the biggest way is determining if she is actually even interested in YOU first. The reason why a lot of creepy scenarios arise is the simple fact that WE are not into YOU even though you may be into us. Yes, women are amazing and beautiful with intriguing personalities, but every single women is not into every single guy. There is a very selfish mentality when it comes to sexual abuse. In some weird way, the predator will think that a victim WANTED it (just because they did, or a number of other stupid reasons like the way we dress). It's even worse when you get into the rich, famous, successful, and even good looking guys. They think, "what woman WOULD'NT want me? I'm a total package! Any woman I persue should be greatful and thankful to be with someone like myself!" Sick right?
I'm not sure about everybody else, but I've learned to be much more clear these days to try and help combat any confusion an unwanted advancer may face. Unless I make it Crystal Pepsi clear that I am interested, always assume I'm not! Don't get pumped up by your own delusions of grandeur and just to be safe, everyone should ALWAYS assume this. Another tip is to take things freakin slow! Why is sex always the first thing on everyone's mind anyway? I blame music. Listen to music from the 50s. All they wanted to do was hold hands and dance a respectable distance while wearing 10 layers of clothes, then drop you off at your front door for a CHANCE at getting a goodnight KISS. Now people practically wanna f*** right there on the dance floor. It's near impossible to read all the signals that fast, especially with the impairment of alcohol. And what the heck ever happened to romance and courtship? Make sure the woman is interested before you make any moves. Even asking is ok. If she says no, (or, if she doesn't specifically say yes), move on.
I even recently posted a crass screenshot on Facebook of a comment someone made on one of my (extremely wholesome) YouTube videos:
One person commented how I should blame my parents for making me so pretty or something like that, and how it's hard for guys to control themselves when they see a pretty face, so he gets it. Umm. I love food, but if I go to a restaurant, I'm not just gonna start picking off people's plates because I can't control myself. Learn!
I've looked at the statistics for all of my social media over the years, and most of my following is male. I hope that I can reach some of you and spark some thought/ discussion for you to continue in person with your peers. Sometimes guys will think that they aren't a part of the problem simply because they've never gone all the way and actually forcibly penetrated someone, but there are different gradients of the problem that we are just trying to nip in the bud before it gets anywhere near that point. It takes a lot for anyone to change their entire mentality on a subject, but it's very possible through introspection and reflection of our own actions as well as information available via women's personal stories. Listen to them all as opposed to your first instinct being so dismissive. And hey, it's still good to just be friends if she ISN'T into you, ya know? Ladies, don't stop sharing stories with people. Every situation is different, so they all really do need to be heard.
P.s. As I stated before, I've recently started being very blunt with people, specifically those who try to 'slide in my dm' if you will. I've been gathering a selection of screenshots, so stay tuned for them in a possible future post!
P.p.s. My biggest advice to the women out there, is don't be afraid to be perfectly honest, or even what could be perceived as "mean", "stuck up" or "rude". Tell these fools no! Straight up! I've always struggled between the fine line of being too naive and thinking that maybe certain guys really do just wanna be my friend, and being too cocky and telling someone "I'm in a relationship!!" when all they asked me was the time. Fine line! But I do think it's definitely best to be as clear as possible with intentions and reality.
P.p.p.s. I will admit, when I heard about Matt Lauer, I was a bit shocked... For like 2 seconds... Then I got over it. Anyone is capable of bad behavior really, and it's never too late to be held accountable for your actions. #bringbackanncurry