Welp, I’m back in the D! I feel like I’ve been here so darn much recently right? Eh, why not. I am glad I do have the opportunity to come back and see everyone more often than when I first moved out to the east coast. If you’ve been keeping up with the underlying story of my life, you’ll know that sometimes coming back home can be a bit stressful for a few reasons. I haven’t really talked to one of my sisters since last year after a falling out we had. But as I’m sure we all realize by now, you can’t really get rid of your family so you might as well just learn to deal with them the best way you can. My approach has been to just not communicate at all. Especially if the things I say will get taken the wrong way. I refer to this as “talking on eggshells”.
In a more broad sense, we probably all do this to a degree. Many times I find myself holding my tongue to avoid a confrontational situation. It’s hard to imagine someone verbalizing every single thing that’s on their mind all of the time to everyone. There is a natural brain to mouth filter. But how do we determine what is reserved and what is shared?
This leads to further questioning of the dilemma we face deciding if we should be honest/be ourselves or a more watered down version that’s acceptable to the rest of the world? I struggle with this often. I’m definitely aware of how different I am from everyone I interact with. One aspect being my lack of super intense emotional reactions to things. A lot of people in my life are completely opposite from me in this regard, so I’ve really had to learn how to navigate conversations in order to not argue with everyone all the dang time. It’s hard!
Every once in a while though my brain will switch to “honesty is the best policy” mode and I’ll speak how I actually feel. Although I do try and do this with other people’s feelings in mind, I still rarely ever say every things that are on my mind. What kind of world would it be if we all had no filter?
In saying all of this, me and my estranged sister actually did get a chance to speak about a few things last night. Obviously liquor was involved. A drunken tongue is a true tongue! The best truth serum around if you ask me. I think with every person there are cerain triggers that can set them off. We can only learn these through communication. Sometimes it will get a little rough, but that’s the only way a deeper bond will truly be able to form. I don’t even know if that makes any sense, but do you feel me? Hopefully we can all figure this out... learning how to be honest with each other while still having a bit of sensitivity.
P.s. One person who is horrible at talking in eggshells is Trump. I’m sure a lot people admire him for speaking his mind all the time with no filter, but as a person in the highest position of the land, he should try to be more aware that even though he may feel a certain way about a subject, what he says is a reflection of us all... and a terrible one.
P.p.s. I actually did have a really fun time last night. We all went to a male strip club (my very first one!), and got very drunk. It’s a rare occourance when all of my sisters are in the same place at the same time. Whenever me and my sisters are all getting along, it’s a very powerful thing. Not sure if the world can handle it so maybe that’s why the universe doesn’t want us to get along.
P.p.p.s. I still need a car the next time I come here!