They say that you never really miss something until it's gone. Well this past week, for me, that specific thing was the ability to breathe properly through my nose. Yeap, from the very moment I got back from St. Lucia, I've been totally bedridden. Over the past few days, while drinking twice my weight in water, pill popping like nobody's business, and inhaling copious amounts of vapor rub and peppermint oil, I thought to myself, 'can it get any worse than this?' While wallowing in my own misery, I found out that this weekend there was a shooting at a nightclub in Orlando. Suddenly, me being sick seemed microscopically comparable. Since I literally had nothing else to do but rest in bed all day, I did a lot of thinking... as I'm sure most people do in light of nationally tragic circumstances. For a person like me, who is prone to tangents, my mind goes in every direction imaginable. Today's post will be yet another viewpoint of the horrific events in Orlando, swirled with a little bit of introspection, sprinkled with a glimmer of hope.
So Ashleigh usually goes to Orlando fairly often on layovers. I asked her if she had been to that specific club before, but she couldn't remember if she had. Sometimes when she has layovers, I contemplating tagging along. That nightclub seemed like it would've been right up our alley too. I love gay clubs. They have the best dancers. These days it seems like shootings take place in some super regular activity type places, right? School, church, movies, the club...
This is a very little known Bretony fact, but one of the reasons I try to be so carefree and hippie-esque is because every once in a while if I don't overwhelm myself with free flowing positivity, my mind will get very grim and I'll have a very brief panic attack of sorts. This usually will happen at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. I just have visions of things that could hypothetically happen. These things range from the ceiling suddenly caving in, to a random masked murdered breaking in through my window. I stay awake trying to mentally prepare in case each scene were to play out. And I know it sounds totally ridiculous, but that's probably why I've never mentioned it (on top of it being a super drag to talk about so much melancholy)! A shooting at a night club that I very well could have been, does nothing but contribute to the paranoia. But one thing I've definitely decided not to do is let fear rule me. As we've seen so tactlessly from the mouth of Trump, he is trying to play on everyone's fears. During this very delicate time of mourning mind you! When anyone lets their fears control them, the outcome is never good. Frankly, there are far too many things to be afraid of. Where would it ever end?
From the moment we are all born...wait no, from BEFORE the moment we are even born, we are surviving. We had to beat all those sperm cells to the egg or we'd die before we were even alive! After that, nature tries to kill us. Babies have to basically live in a protective bubble free from all germs and airborne illness. Up next, we have other people trying to kill us...more of nature (in the form of natural disasters) trying to kill us, our FOOD trying to kill us, our inventions trying to kill us, even our own bodies trying to kill us! Every day we wake up is literally a battle. If life was a video game, it'd be kinda like the sims mixed with street fighter mixed with frogger. I figure that if the people living in this world right now have defied all of these odds, and still somehow manage to exist, then we are here for a reason. And we should never forget that.
Not really sure what else there is to say. So many more things I COULD say. At the end of the day though, at the end of that long, long day, sometimes all you have is a feeling. Something indescribable, and unexplainable. This may sound weird coming from a writer, but sometimes, no words are best. Because sometimes, there just are no words! But alas, I have to say something (since I've eternally committed to a weekly blog post, be it gloomy or gleefull). So the one thing I will leave off with is... know that you are special, and a true survivor against all of the odds. We should not take that for granted, or waste our precious time here fighting with each other. We really should just all come together and fight all these OTHER things tryna kill us off. Like my sinuses for one.
p.s. I really do appreciate that the world has overwhelmingly promoted the whole love over hate thing in response. That is truly the best option.
p.p.s. Another little known Bretony fact, I was actually thinking of moving to Orlando at one point in time. New York was always my first choice, Orlando was my second, and Chicago was my 3rd. New York was just the city that panned out first.
p.p.p.s. The bible may be controversial to some people these days, but the quotes are always fire. Love thy neighbor! (and 'though shall not kill')